Dating Over 40: The Dad Factor

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How do you know whether a man will be true? How do you know how committed he is to you? Here’s one foolproof way: watch what kind of dad he is and how he integrates you into his children's lives.

Dating over 40 almost always involves children. Even if you never meet the children of someone you are dating, if it gets serious you feel their presence. When you're only seeing each other occasionally, it's easy to work around the nights he's with his daughter, or the Sunday afternoons he coaches his son's Little League games. Ramp it up, though, and you run headlong into the Dad Factor.

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Outsourcing

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Writing a dating profile should be easy, right? You list some of your many wonderful qualities, describe your ideal mate, slap on a photo you took with your cell phone and voila! Time to start evaluating the many offers that come your way. Except it turns out that it’s not that easy.

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Back to Childhood

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Remember how fun it was to be a kid? Of course, it helped that you were innocent and naïve, unaware of most of life’s complications and disappointments. You were blissfully free to spend your time as you saw fit, whether riding your bike, exploring local woods or just hanging out with friends.

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The Lesson of the Held Tongue

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The best relationships feature deep truth, allowing honesty and trust. They are based on real communication that allows the two of you to get to know each other in ways that friends and even family can’t. This might make it sound like you should be all honest, all the time. Wrong.

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The Phantom Anniversary

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When you first become a couple, you bask in your anniversaries: a week, a month, six months, a year since your first date, first kiss, first whatever you as a couple deem important. Ultimately, though, you settle on one special day. If you’re married, it’s generally your wedding day. Not married, it could be your first date, or the day you moved in together.

Once the relationship ends, so do the anniversaries. Married 19 years and then divorced? You only had 19 anniversaries. With someone for a couple of years before breaking up? You only get two.

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Divorce Mediation: The Musical

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Our mediator says we’re his favorite couple. Yeah, you’re thinking, I’ll bet he says that to all the couples. Well, maybe so, but in our case I’m pretty sure he means it.

See, we spar only lightly and never lose sight of the bigger picture: we have a son together, as well as a shared history of mutual respect. Our son’s best interest trumps any anger we might feel at each other’s failings, and mutual respect leads to things like “each other’s” in this sentence rather than “my ex’s.” See how it works?

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