Ask the Dating Analyst
Not Asking for Too Much, Am I?
Profile: Deirdre, age 41
I have found that my usual profile is much too vague for most. I don't care to go on about myself but, in an attempt to clarify the some things, I'm gonna try to be more serious than I care to be for a second.
I am a thinker and perhaps I think too much but it doesn't hurt anybody so I am personally just fine with it. Like right now, I'm thinking that I need something more than just a regular guy. More than just words, more than a touch, a thought, a feeling. Someone strong yet sensitive, powerful yet not domineering and controlling. Hey, I want love just like anybody else. Finding the mutual admiration society and being an intricate part of the club however, eludes me. It's like finding the lost Dutchman's mine. You may die in the desert of fools but I suppose you'll at least die tryin. Personally, I would prefer to search for hidden treasure near water but.. I digress. Again.
I am not looking for a cold, see ya when I see ya relationship. That's really not a relationship at all. Alternately, I prefer someone who is at a place in life where finding the woman that he wants to be with (forever, ELLER?)is a priority and he knows what that means. I'm not saying you think you know but behave naturally as if ya know. Won't try to find you, wonder what you are doing or break myself to communicate with a grown person who just doesn't get it. Lil boy player and havin it all his way is tired and passé. I need closeness, the natural click. Why, oh why doest thou work against me? (Academy award winning performance huh? - wink) It is free to you. Please spread the word.
All other things aside:
Rules:
#1) If I like it, you luv it. K?
#2) Don't flirt. Talk to me. Just say hello.
#3) Friends are always welcome.
#4) You got mine, I got yours.
LoveHowTo Dating Analyst's Take:
Deirdre starts out saying that her usual profile is too vague for most. So, she's done this before. And presumably with few takers? Maybe she's scaring away some good possibilities. She does sound interesting and certainly unusual.
Two things come through. First she is still not only vague but opaque - who will understand what she means by, for example: "Why, oh why doest (sic) thou work against me?(Academy award winning performance huh? - wink). It is free to you. Please spread the word?" Or when she inserts in her long paragraph under the heading "About my dream mate," "I prefer someone who is at a place in life where finding the woman that he wants to be with (forever, ELLER?)" I may be dense, but who exactly is ELLER? Or maybe the question should be what is ELLER?
The reader might get that she has a lot on her mind, but as to what she means, only she seems to know and the rest of us probably won't want to take the time to unpack it.
Second, she says she needs "something more than just a regular guy, more than words, touch, a thought, a feeling. Someone strong but sensitive, powerful but not domineering and controlling." And then she says she wants love just like anybody else. Stop and think. If you try to come across as just a regular gal, you shouldn't be asking for a man who cannot possibly exist.
She should keep trying, but next time try clarity.
Dating Analyst Tom Dichter is a cultural anthropologist and writer, married with four children and four grandchildren. He has had an international career and is now based in France.
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