Dating Services
How NOT to Write a Dating Profile (Part 2)
You'd think it would be obvious that the best profiles are positive and engaging. Yet when it comes to telling their own stories, most dating site members fall into the same old cringe-inducing traps. Take a fresh look at your profile and make sure you're avoiding these:
Pet Peeves: Maybe you don't like reality TV, the outdoors, short people or Starbucks. Save those details for later when you might be able to salvage "quirky" from what would otherwise be a slam dunk as "picky."
Sales pitches: "Act now for best offer," "This baby won't last," "special bargain," "one of a kind," "barely used (but looking forward to it)"…No one's buying these lines.Freaky photos: You standing next to a guy built out of Legos (yes, you took your son to Legoland, we're very impressed!), you posing in a filthy and messy room (can't wait to head back to your place!), you looking close to tears (get over it!). How about trying a straightforward head shot? Would that be so hard?
Hiding-the-obvious photos: If you're bald, don't wear a baseball cap. Let it all hang — that is, shine — out. And if you're NOT bald, don't wear one either, or everyone will assume you are.
Breakup photos: These are pictures of yourself where you have obviously cropped out the former lover by your side. Take a new picture, idiot! We can still see the arm around your shoulder and the hair that's not yours against your cheek!
Too Many Photos: Sure you can post 10, or even 25 depending on the site. But that doesn't mean you should. Seriously, no one wants to sit through your slideshow. Try one or two head shots and a few full-body shots, perhaps one where you're involved in an activity you love and have written about. Don't overdo it on the pets, kids and sunset shots; you're not auditioning for Getty Images.
The "Lady" Trap: No woman under the age of 70 wants to be called "Lady." Even less appealing are profiles addressed to "Ladies" (see Plural rule below). Of course, that's still preferable to "Lady's," the absolute worst call-out of all. If you're not Lionel Richie, you have no business employing this unfortunately tainted word.
Plurals: You're looking for Men? Women? Why, one isn't enough for you? Unless you're after a threeway or group sex, limit your pitch. We'd all like to believe we could be that one special person; only the freakiest yearn to be one of a crowd.
ALL CAPS: NUFF SAID.
Advice-givers: It's not your place to tell prospective dates and other members of the site what they should be doing — especially if you're Dr. Phil. (Even Match.com has dumped him!) If you're telling strangers, "Get over it! The past is done and it's time to move on!" you're assuming facts not in evidence. The God complex is right up there with the Oedipal complex in the must-avoid category.
Stating the obvious: Don't bother saying you like:
sunsets
laughing
smiling
eating
friends
fun
sex
breathing
Truly, everyone does. Is there anything about you that's unique?
Names that give away a little too much: Don't call yourself "PtrPan," "BadDrunk," "AgingFratBoy" or "SpoiledPrincess." Or the all-time worst, "VladtheImpalr."
Just plain lazy: Don't say you're uninspired, don't have time to write anything, can't think of anything to say or otherwise just can't be bothered to put in the effort. It's amazing how many people fall into this trap. If you don't have time to describe yourself in 250 words or less, you certainly don't have time to go out for a drink. Put "register for a dating site" on your To Do list and come back later.
by Laura
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