Dating Services
Addicted to First Dates
How do you feel before a first date with someone you've only met virtually? Anxious? Excited? Filled with optimism and a sense of possibility?
Whatever your feelings, most likely your adrenalin is flowing along with your imagination. Could this be "the one"? Will you feel chemistry, the start of something long-lasting? Most likely you brush aside thoughts of potential disappointment, ignore any nagging feelings of annoyance at difficulties in scheduling or those aspects of the profile that weren't as appealing as some others.
Until the reality of the in-person meeting, a first date is filled with promise. It's all romance and fantasy: reading the profile and filling in the blanks with your own image of what you want. Getting – or making – the call, imagining what it would be like to fall in love with this set of characteristics, this voice, this photo. Imagining how your life might change to accommodate new love.In these respects, online dating is not unlike social networking or eBay buying: we obsessively check to see who has posted on our Facebook wall and tweak our page to be just that much cuter. On eBay we trawl through millions of possibilities for just the one that takes us by surprise or seems like just what we were looking for. We can become addicted, constantly checking the site for updates, hoping we're not missing anything. Don't want to let a good one get away!
Then comes the moment of truth: the date. His hair looks different than in the photos. She's not as animated in person as she was on the phone. He doesn't let her get a word in edgewise. She has nothing interesting to say. It's a bust. Just like getting that long-sought tchotchke in the mail from an eBay seller and finding it's missing a piece.
The fact is, we set ourselves up for disappointment by the very process of online dating. The sheer volume of potential dates tells us that, no matter how right a match someone might be, maybe there's someone better out there. Unless we feel cupid's arrow pierce our heart during that hour at Starbucks, it's on to the next, still seeking an adrenalin rush that doesn't fizzle out in the real world.
And it's not just online dating that leads to over-inflated expectations and backlash. One woman who is a high-volume but unofficial matchmaker recounts her experience: "I set up two people. Before the first date they're both calling me for more details. I can tell from the questions they're asking that they've got each other all built up in their minds. And then after the date inevitably I get the calls: 'I can't believe you thought we were right for each other!' They tell me I have no idea what I'm doing, which I never said otherwise. I've probably introduced 1000 potential couples that have resulted in three marriages. So no, I don't know what I'm doing, I just know a lot of people. I don't look to set them up, but they all call me up and beg me, 'Who do you know? I'm lonely!'
"And sure enough, these are the same people who, after they tell me what a terrible time they had on their date, always end with, 'Who else do you have for me?'"
by Laura
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