Dating Services
How NOT to Write a Dating Profile (Part 1)
Like great art, we recognize a perfect profile when we see it. It makes us smile. It resonates. It draws us in and gets us writing a response.
Then there are the losers. They're poorly written, too sparse, filled with bad puns ("You've got male!") or just plain creepy.
You probably don't think you could write a bad profile — after all, you're writing about yourself and you're the coolest person you know! Don't kid yourself. It's still possible that you're committing one or more of the cardinal profile sins without even knowing it.See yourself (or at least your profile) the way others do. Don't scare away potential dates. Here's what doesn't work on the dating scene:
Lies: Let's start with the most heinous. Don't lie. Don't lie about your height, your body type, your marital status, your interests, your children or lack thereof, your smoking, drinking or drug habits, your education level, income or profession. Just don't. It wastes everybody's time, including yours. Who do you think is going to be more embarrassed when a 5'10" man turns out to be shorter than his 5'6" date?
You'll notice I didn't mention age. That's because most online daters lie about their ages, so you may want to keep up. Age 29 sounds significantly younger than 30, for the same reasons retailers price things at $19.95 instead of $20.00. Adjust accordingly and conservatively, and be prepared to come clean later.
Obsessions: If your profile name includes the word feline, your photo shows you holding a cat and you mention your beloved kitties multiple times, you get points for honesty but will likely die alone.
Grammatical errors: your instead of you're, it's instead of its, apostrophes in plurals ("I have 16 cat's"). They won't turn off everybody (heck, many won't even notice — after all, you didn't!). But you'll alienate the high-achievers with this kind of approach. Typos aren't as bad but still show a certain level of sloth.
Exclamation points, acronyms and smileys: OK, maybe you really are so enthusiastic about life that you need four exclamation points after each sentence!!!! And maybe you just LOL the whole day long and want everyone to recognize your GSOH and general level of giddiness. But realize you'll turn off more people than you turn on if your profile reads like an ADHD how-to manual.
Over-identification with astrology: Many sites ask for your sign, or post yours when given your birthdate. That doesn't mean they're suggesting this should be your religion. Don't describe yourself as "a true Scorpio" and go into detail about what that means and what signs are compatible with you. No true Scorpio would do that anyway.
Too horny: Unless you're using a sex service, don't over-emphasize sex in your profile. Sure, you can mention it. Just keep it to a minimum. There's no reason to tell prospective dates that you'll be looking to bend them over the kitchen sink or ride them like a bronco. If that's really your main goal, just go ahead and join a sex service where you can name yourself "Into69" and expect plenty of responses. (Love How To has a great list of sex sites you can try.)
Mama's boys: If you're a man, stay away from multiple mentions of your mom — and for God's sake don't post a picture where you're patting her head, holding her hand or otherwise being just a little too close. Women, same for you and Dad (although women don't seem to fall into this trap as much).
Over-identification with the metaphor of the site: "I'm a true dolphin" on PlentyOfFish.com (ignoring the fact that a dolphin isn't even a fish), coffee puns on ChristianCafe.com, references to the periodic table on Chemistry.com.
Over-identification with a passe cultural phenomenon: Michael Jackson (Really? After all we've been through?), the Macarena, Pretty Woman, In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida…
War and Peace: Those maximum word counts are not targets. If potential dates have to hold down the scrollbar to see your whole profile, chances are: they won't. Leave a little something to the imagination.
Burnouts: Don't tell the world this is your last chance at love, you've had no luck and are about to give up, you've been disappointed by people not writing you back, or anything else that makes you sound like a loser. Suck it up and maybe someday soon you'll get payback!
by Laura
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