Dating Services

People Are Strange When You’re a Stranger

So you've exchanged a few emails, even talked on the phone with someone you've met online, and now you're going to meet in person. You're a pretty good judge of character, so you know in your gut that this person is safe, right?

Maybe not. Going by your gut is a lot like assuming, and we all know how often assumptions can blow up in our faces. The world is filled with crazies and you may have just agreed to meet one of them in person. Tread cautiously and with backup until you know for sure that the name isn't assumed and you can describe any identifying marks to the authorities.

Here's a test: if you told your mother what you were doing as your first date, how would she react? Sure, things were different in her day, but common sense is timeless. If you wouldn't even want to tell Mom where you're meeting a first date, well, that's a sign that you might want to start at a Starbucks instead.

Here are some general rules and suggestions. We're mostly speaking to women here, but men need to keep their wits about them too.

Rule: Don't meet anyone who won't give you a phone number. Before you meet, verify that the number is a way of reaching your prospective date.

Suggestion: Conduct a background search. Not recommended for garden variety dates but a good backup if you're feeling nervous about your prospective date's veracity.

Rule: Always have a first meeting in public. No going to "their place" or even yours. No hikes in secluded areas. No unfamiliar neighborhoods. Make sure other people will be around. Not to sound paranoid, but we call these people "potential witnesses."

Suggestion: Be the one to pick the place. This way you know you'll be somewhere well-lit, populated, non-threatening and familiar. Besides increasing the safety factor, it will increase your comfort level.

Rule: Always tell someone close to you that you're going on a first date. Give your contact person the name (preferably you know the last name at this point) and verified phone number. You may also provide other pertinent details, such as email address and where you are meeting. Have a plan to check in by a certain time to let your contact know everything is OK. You don't have to tell your date that you have this plan, just excuse yourself and go to the restroom, or call from the car on your way home. On the other hand, if you see things heading in a dangerous direction, you can tell your date that someone is waiting to hear from you and will take action if you don't call in.

Suggestion: Have a code word with your contact. If, despite the excellent advice you've just been given, you find yourself in danger, tell your date/future defendant that someone is waiting for your call and knows where you are and who you are with. If you have to make a call under this kind of pressure, you should have a nondescript code word that will immediately tell your contact you're in trouble.

Rule: Don't get into a car with a first date. Maybe things are going really well, and you're both willing to stretch that one-hour coffee date into dinner. Unless you're walking or taking public transportation, travel separately to the next location.

Suggestion: Try a paid service to keep you safe. If you're too embarrassed to tell someone what you're doing, that doesn't let you off the safety hook. One alternative is SafeCheckIn.com. For about $10 a month (plus a $30 refundable false alarm deposit) they will be your contact. Once you "check out" SafeCheckIn monitors your absence until you "check in" again. If you miss a check-in time, SafeCheckIn will try to reach you. If they can't, they contact your emergency contact. Local authorities are contacts of last resort.

Any other rules or suggestions out there?

by Laura