LoveHowTo Blog

Divorce Mediation: The Musical

Our mediator says we’re his favorite couple. Yeah, you’re thinking, I’ll bet he says that to all the couples. Well, maybe so, but in our case I’m pretty sure he means it.

See, we spar only lightly and never lose sight of the bigger picture: we have a son together, as well as a shared history of mutual respect. Our son’s best interest trumps any anger we might feel at each other’s failings, and mutual respect leads to things like “each other’s” in this sentence rather than “my ex’s.” See how it works?

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The Magic Number

When I got married, our commitment was not “till death do us part,” but for 37 years. We liked the uniqueness of this prime number and the implication that we could re-up or get out after a certain period of time. In retrospect, this probably wasn’t the healthiest idea, but it worked for us for a long time. It was handy to be able to say, “Only 22 more years of this!” to end an argument in laughter.

Mediation

July 3 was my 20th wedding anniversary and I spent it in a meeting with a divorce mediator, a forensic accountant and my soon-to-be ex. The timing was due to illness and other issues that required a couple of reschedulings, and it was unfortunate.

The Affairs of Men

The May 18, 2008 issue of New York Magazine featured a cover article (really more like an overly long and self-indulgent blog) that has spawned hundreds of apoplectic reader comments. "The Affairs of Men: The Trouble With Sex and Marriage" by Philip Weiss attempts to justify adultery, provides a half-assed look at the differences between male and female sex drives, and generally offers a "no thanks" look inside the mind of a midlife crisis gussied up as a sensitive man working hard to stay true to a woman he claims to love.

My Love Affair with New York

Sex in the City always played like a documentary to me. Except for the quality of the clothes and apartments, it rang true to my experience of a party-every-night, new-man-around-every-corner, good-friends-to-share-it-with town.

I moved from the suburbs into New York to go to NYU in 1976 and stayed on in the city for 10 years after I graduated. I was one of those insufferable New Yorkers who truly couldn’t understand how anyone would want to live anywhere else.

Today (Show) and Forever

I was recently recruited to appear in a segment on the Today Show on the subject of how to tell your spouse you want a divorce. It’s fascinating: I couldn’t get my wedding announcement into the New York Times 20 years ago, but now that I’m getting divorced suddenly it’s big news.

Anyway, this segment was first in a series the Today Show developed on having difficult conversations — like talking to your kids about the birds and the bees. (By the way, if you’re going to call sex "the birds and the bees," don’t even waste your time having that conversation with a pre-teen or teenager circa 2008.)

The segment aired on May 22, 2008 and also featured attorney-to-the-stars Neal Hirsh, whom I interviewed in the course of selecting a divorce attorney but couldn’t afford, and Debbie Ford, author of Spiritual Divorce. It also featured a divorced guy named Carl who was funny and insightful.