Moving On
Learning From Rejection
Love: it's like an adrenaline rush, a constant comfort, a validation. Rejection? Pretty much the opposite: a repudiation that leaves you feeling worthless and drained.
Call it what you want: rejection, abandonment, getting dumped. It's an inevitable part of dating, and love in general. Surely you've rejected others because they were wrong for you. They weren't losers, and if you've been rejected, you aren't either. If you're moping around because someone decided you weren't "the one," here are some ways to help you shake it off.First, realize that, rejection isn't necessarily personal. Often it says more about those rejecting than the rejectees: maybe they're not ready to commit, still pining for a lost love, infatuated with a new love, not sure what they're looking for, or too self-involved to notice who you are.
Even more often rejection is about a lack of chemistry or compatibility. Plenty of nice, smart, attractive people meet and reject each other all the time. Sure, it can be unpleasant if you are on the receiving end of the incompatibility speech when you were seeing things differently, but getting dumped is not the end of the world, and not a reflection on your self-worth.
If you're having trouble getting over rejection, try writing down a conversation with the person who rejected you. Be honest: what would you say if you really wanted to express how you felt about being dumped? And be honest about the response. Don't write your fantasy, write what you know to be true. Because the bottom line is, if you really think about it, you know why it didn't work out. You may have seen it coming, may even agree with the underlying reasons. Or not. Either way, write a full conversation about it, and don't stop until you reach a satisfying conclusion. You will probably be surprised by that conclusion.
You will be even more surprised by something else: having this conversation on paper, without the other party's knowledge, has the same effect as having an actual conversation. You now understand the thought process behind the rejection. You have taken the facts you didn't want to face and looked them right in the eye. And you feel the other person understands your point of view. You are able to feel like you've been heard and you'll be ready to move on.
It might take more than one such "conversation" to work through all the issues. But keeping up both sides of a two-sided conversation is an amazing exercise in empathy. It can help you learn more about yourself and your relationship, simply by looking inward.
If that doesn't work, just put on "I Will Survive" and play it until you believe it.
by Laura
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