Moving On
The Sadness of Going Our Separate Ways
If you love somebody, set him free. What deluded masochist thought that one up? How are you supposed to let go of someone you love? And why?
Here’s the famous quote, sometimes attributed to Jonathan Livingston Seagull author Richard Bach, other times to "Anonymous." It was printed on posters throughout the 1960s and '70s, inspiration for decades of breakup speeches:
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it was never meant to be. We do not possess anything in this world, least of all other people. We only imagine that we do. Our friends, our lovers, our spouses, even our children are not ours; they belong only to themselves.Sting’s ‘80s version (from "If You Love Somebody Set Them Free") contains the lines:
You can't control an independent heart
Can't tear the one you love apart.
Letting go is painful but sometimes necessary. Ultimately every heart is independent.
If someone you love is pulling away, and has let you know you can’t be part of a couple in the same way you have been, you need to adapt. Assuming you can’t change the situation, through tears, negotiation or major life changes of your own, you need to find a way to live without your lover.
It feels like your lover belongs to you, but in truth you own only yourself and your own actions. It feels like your lover is part of your identity, but only you define who you are and you are free to redefine at any time. It feels like you will be only half of a whole without your lover, but in fact you will be stronger having loved and then let go.
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. And probably will be forever.
by Laura
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