Moving On

Where We Were

After a painful breakup, hearing a song that had special meaning for you and your ex can hit hard. You may have to pull over to the side of the road and dry your eyes before you can drive safely. Foods you fed each other, a wine you discovered, even a comedian you both found funny - all can be ruined for you if forever identified with a lover who broke your heart.

In the same way, certain places act as Proust's madeline, bringing waves of memories when you go there alone after having once shared them passionately. Hell is a bus tour of sites that held special meaning for you when you were part of a now-broken couple: the hotel where you spent your first night together, the fast food place where you grabbed a quick bite during jury duty because you couldn't face a whole day apart, the museum where you wandered on a quiet afternoon, the library where you researched each other, the park where you kissed, even the freeway you only took when going to meet your lover.

Places once special to you because they were shared are tainted when suddenly they represent lost love. Whole swaths of town can end up off limits if you got around a lot. Turn a corner and feel the knife twist, as the tour guide's amplified voice describes the achingly familiar sites. 

It's enough to make you wonder if you face a lifetime of avoiding your past. Today it might be, "Can we pick a different restaurant? I had a romantic dinner there and don't want to be reminded." Six months down the road will you be saying, "No, I still can't eat mackerel without crying, so please stop asking"? Only time, that alleged healer of all wounds, will tell.

by Laura