The Quest

A Bit of Spinach

by Tom Dichter

A friend of mine described a recent relationship with a woman. They met through a friend and began talking. He suggested they go out. They went to a restaurant and talked some more. They got a bit tipsy. They laughed. They liked each other. He thought she was pretty. He liked her nose, that was the first thing, then he got to know her eyes. They were green and nice. He didn't think he'd ever known anyone with green eyes before. Soon he saw her lips, they grew on him quickly.

After their first kiss, he looked at her and saw things he hadn't seen before. Her lips were not just pretty, now they were beautiful. Her cheekbones created a line that he was struck by. And so it went. It was the same for her, or so she said.

Soon they slept together. It was great. They did it again, and again. Always great.

They went for bike rides, took walks, went to the movies, introduced each other to a few friends, read to each other from books they both liked.

All this went on for three weeks. Then one night they went to an Indian restaurant, which they both loved, especially when it turned out their favorite dish was saag paneer. Half way through the meal, my friend looked up and saw a piece of green spinach right in the middle of the woman's two front teeth. He couldn't stop looking at it although he tried. He thought perhaps he should say something. But he felt she'd be embarrassed. Then he figured she'd feel it and remove it herself. But she didn't. She was talking and he continued listening for a while, but soon he couldn't concentrate on what she was saying.

They finished the meal, paid and left. He took her home. They never saw each other again.

What went on here? Is this a case of a neurotic man? Is it a case of a missed chance at communication (shouldn't he have simply said, ‘hey honey, you've got some green stuff between your front teeth')? Did he get afraid of getting in too deep and so subconsciously he was looking for a way out? Or was the bubble ready to burst and the piece of spinach did it?

We don't know. But what we can say is that these things happen and there is not always a clear explanation. One possible conclusion: The turn-on can be as ephemeral and meaningless as the turn-off.

Dating Analyst Tom Dichter is a cultural anthropologist and writer, married with four children and four grandchildren. He has had an international career and is now based in France.