The Quest
Book Review: The Rules
The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right
By Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider
Reviewed by Jennifer Kelton
When The Rules was first published in 1995 it quickly became a #1 bestseller. Even today The Rules — love it or hate it — is considered one of the granddaddies of the dating book genre with more than 1 million copies in print.
Yes, The Rules and its 35 Do and Don't mantras is rigid and seems somewhat out of place in the year 2008. So why is it relevant?
It's NOT because we need more "rules," but that so much between the sexes has turned grey. The lines between men and woman have been dramatically blurred, some for the good, some maybe not so good.
Authors Fein and Schneider believe that their time-tested "rules" will lead women to a "healthy and committed relationship." The foundation of what they write about is very black-and-white: "treat yourself with respect and dignity." Let's face it, if you aren't going to respect yourself, who will?
While I don't agree with Rule #2, "Don't Talk to a Man First and Don't Ask Him to Dance," I do agree with "No More Than Casual Kissing on the First Date" (Rule #14). If he's into you even in the slightest way he will wait a few dates before a full-on make-out session. This I write from a lot of personal experience.
Rule #12 is "Stop Dating Him if he Doesn't Buy You a Romantic Gift for your Birthday or Valentine's Day." The authors believe a man should buy you a "gift from his heart not his head." They say that when men are in love, "they give love objects even if they are on a tight budget." They point out that a heartfelt gift has nothing to do with money.
Right now I'm writing this book review from a taxi stand in Las Vegas. I decided to go straight to the male source and ask the one of the bellmen hailing cabs his thoughts on Rule #12. He agreed, but also pointed out that a younger guys are more reckless and may not even think about giving gifts, "because all they want is sex."
I wonder what Ms. Fein and Schneider would say to that?
I do think that The Rules is a solid book with that foundation built on self-respect. It's a quick and easy read, maybe even a beach read. However, I recommend it not for its 35 "rules" but as a reminder of your own self-worth.
While you don't have to follow the prescribed mantras or even agree with them, after revisiting The Rules to write this review I genuinely believe that The Rules may kickstart the "grey" and provide the potential to help you redefine your own behavior in a world where grey is the new black. The book could very well act as a positive catalyst to set your OWN mantras and boundaries for today's dating and mating climate. I know for a fact that any man worth it at the end of the day will respect you for that!
Jennifer Kelton is a dating expert, author and internet entrepreneur. As the LoveHowTo resident book reviewer, Jennifer provides a no-B.S. take on self-help books. Each of us is unique, and Jennifer brings that awareness to each book she reviews. Her thoughts on every genre of dating and relationship books, from the classics to the just released, are real, unbiased and honest.
Jennifer is the author of Don't Use My Sweater Like A Towel. She is the founder and creator of BadOnlineDates.com and its fabulous blog, as well as DailyDatingAdvice.com where singles get one-on-one free tips and fresh insights on the world of dating.
Jennifer's background investigating the game of love spans more than 30 years. She has never been afraid to try new experiences...especially when it comes to men. From balancing two boyfriends at the same time in high school to one-night stands to committed relationships and to a particularly dirty-mouthed Finn in London, Jennifer has pretty much seen it all when it comes to dating.
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