The Quest
The Secret List
You know that book The Secret that Oprah made a bestseller? Its very appealing concept is that if you think about something enough, it will happen. (Anyone who ever wanted a pony as a child knows how realistic this is, but never mind. BAD negative thought! Get out of here!)
The Secret is based on the so-called law of attraction that says that your positive thoughts are magnets. These magnets can attract health, wealth, happiness, a job, a boyfriend, whatever you think about enough, and in the right way. It’s sort of a cross between the power of positive thinking and believing in miracles.Well, a love-related twist on the law of attraction is “The Love List.” An article in Oprah’s O Magazine described how to use a list to attract the man of your dreams. (The same concept could certainly be translated to find the woman of your dreams as well.)
Here’s how it works (adapted from writer Martha Beck's description in O):
- Think about what you want in a man. What characteristics are most important to you?
- Start shallow but go deep. Sure, you may have a preference for a certain height, hair color, or, um, size, and it’s OK to express those. But focus more on the inner qualities.
- Think about who you are, and where you want to be headed in life. What makes you happy? How do you like to spend your time? What raises your energy level and sets you on the path to accomplishment and fulfillment? How would your dream man further these goals?
- List 100 traits. They don’t have to be in any particular order.
- If you decide you forgot something, feel free to make changes, but if you create a whole new list be sure to throw away any previous versions. Keep the list to 100 items.
- Feel free to put in some “nots.” For example, “not a sports fanatic.” In fact, feel free to put in whatever you want, phrased any way you want.
- Put the list in your closet, out of immediate view, but where you will come across it from time to time.
- Go on about your life.
This process forces you to come at what you want from a different angle. It actually alters your quest for a man because even when you’re not consciously thinking about the list, it is internalized. You may notice men you never would have before. You may find yourself worrying less about finding someone because of your confidence in the power of The List (when Oprah gets on a bandwagon she is shockingly convincing).
There’s no question there is power behind writing something – or someone – down. Just like writing both halves of a two-sided conversation to work out what’s really going on (see “Learning from Rejection”), writing a list makes your dream man real. It creates a physical manifestation of a concept that previously existed only in your head, and only in some unformed, piecemeal way.
If that example doesn't work for you, think about how much more efficiently you shop when you have a list. No spur-of-the-moment items that you later regret buying (and eating).
OK, you didn’t get a pony for your eighth birthday. Maybe it’s because you didn’t have a list of 100 characteristics that your perfect pony would have. Make a list now, describing your perfect man. Dreams do come true, and a little nudge never hurts.
By Laura
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