The Quest
Dating Over 40: The Dad Factor
How do you know whether a man will be true? How do you know how committed he is to you? Here’s one foolproof way: watch what kind of dad he is and how he integrates you into his children's lives.
The Dad Factor varies from man to man, spanning the AWOL to the helicopter. Good dads – and you want you man to be a good dad – are there for their kids and not resentful of time spent in daddy mode, whether visitation or full-blown custody.
The Dad Factor also tells you your own standing with a man. If you’ve been together for two years but have never met his child, well, you’d better evaluate your definition of the term “together.”
A man’s children should be important to him in a way that no new woman in his life can or should be. And it should be easy to accept playing second fiddle to dependents who may be coping with the pain of their parents' split. But as time passes and a relationship progresses, a woman needs to see her own place in her man's life rise as a priority. After months of scheduling conflicts for ballet recitals, Boy Scout camping trips and homework helping, if she's not becoming better integrated into his bigger picture, well, the writing's on the wall. If he can't help out with your household or emotional emergency because his time is owned by those he spawned, then you need to face some hard decisions, or accept that he’s already made them for you.
He may be loving, patient – even trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent. But there's one thing he's not, and that's yours.
By Laura
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