The Quest
Find Your Love at Work
Do you work full time? If so, half your waking hours are spent with a special pool of people. They share many of your interests and career choices, your geographical location, and most likely your general age and income (or potential income). They're co-workers, vendors, customers, peers at related companies, members of the same trade groups and organizations you belong to — in short, they're a lot like you.
What better pool in which to fish for a mate?
That's the proposition behind the insightful book Office Mate: The Employee Handbook for Finding and Managing Romance on the Job by Stephanie Losee and Helaine Olen. It's comprehensive and reassuring as it guides you through the sometimes sticky (no pun intended) intricacies of dating in the workplace.
Many successful relationships originate in the workplace. Barack Obama met his wife at work, as did Christiane Amanpour and Bill Gates (well, where else?). Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie may not resemble you in ways physical or financial, but like them you can meet someone through your work.
According to Career Research firm Vault's 2008 Office Romance Survey, 82% of employees have been aware of an office romance between co-workers. A whopping 46% have had one themselves, and 13% haven't but are willing to give it a shot. Twenty percent of those surveyed met their spouse/significant other at work, another 10% through co-workers. And 23% have had a "tryst" at their place of work. Translation: sex on a desk, or maybe in the stockroom.
Any way you look at it, people are hooking up at work, and most are smart enough not to go for the one-night stands. In the majority of cases, work relationships take years to develop. Co-workers pass in the hall, have casual conversations, share meals and meetings, chip in for baby gifts, console each other, develop friendships.
Time is a luxury in a world of online dating, where you can fly through dozens of profiles in a single sitting, rejecting potential loves for a slight infraction, like an interest in NASCAR or affinity for America's Next Top Model. OK, some should be dealbreakers. But the point is, having a preview of how a potential lover handles stress and overtime demands gives you insights into how your life together might be.
Your co-workers see you every day. They know how you make decisions and how you take your coffee, how you look after a bad night. They're your support group, your sounding board, your Secret Santa, your community, your almost-family. They've been vetted by Human Resources. Who better to find you a mate?
And in fact, some companies do encourage office romance: NPR, Genentech, Oxygen Media and Southwest Airlines (stock ticker symbol: LUV), to name a few.
Still, you can't just jump right in. The authors of Office Mate provide clear guidance. In Chapter 6, "How to Indicate Interest," they advise:
- Don't start a romance while drinking at a bar with a bunch of coworkers as witnesses
- Don't go all high school, asking a co-worker, "Can you find out if Chris likes me?"
- Don't put it in an email.
- Keep the sexual harassment laws in mind: Take no for an answer.
The authors have advice for those already in an office romance, too. See "Office Romance: Advice from the Supply Closet" for how to keep love and a career alive.
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