The Quest

How to Fall in Love

How to fall in love? There's no right answer for every occasion. It's up to you how to juggle this conflicting advice:

1. Be open. Not just to finding "the one," but to looking beneath the surface to find a soul in kinship with your own. Be open to friendship that grows into something more. Be open to a no-strings fling that settles into a comfortable groove. Don't work off a checklist.
2. Be closed. Don't break your own rules. If you aren't able to handle emotional attachment to someone of a certain religion, political leaning, geographical location or marital status, dont pretend otherwise.
3. Start slow. Hold hands. Make small talk. Stop at first base until you know if there's something real.
4. Jump in. If it feels right, let go and see where it takes you. Follow your instincts, spill your guts, write poetry, act on your lust.
5. Expect the best. Believe in yourself and the choices you make. Believe in others and the opportunity they represent to increase the passion and joy in your life.
6. Expect the worst. Go in with your eyes open: it might not work out. Feel good about what your life will be like if it all falls apart. Don't burn any bridges in the rosy glow of early on.
7. Try new things. See your world in new ways. Experiment. When you're in love your senses are heightened, so get ready to be shocked by the way you notice sunsets and song lyrics, the way strawberries taste — and how sexy it is to share them between your mouths.
8. Leave old habits behind. With a new person, you can be a new person too. Be more loving, less judgmental, more forgiving, less blaming. Act from honesty — not fear, not vengeance, not desperation.
9. Communicate constantly. Stay in touch with email, text messaging, IMs. Even when you're not together you're learning more about each other, building stronger ties and turning each other on with risqué suggestions.
10. Maintain your independence. The sexiest, most attractive people are self-confident, comfortable in their skin, happy with the lives they've created. Falling in love doesn't mean giving up any of that — it just takes it all to a higher level.