Together
How to Select a Gift for Your Woman
Why is it that gift-buying is harder for men than women? Maybe it’s because women are more inclined to focus on the needs and wants of others, while many men build their identities on claimed cluelessness.
Shocking but true: any man can learn to be a sensitive gift-giver. It helps if he’s getting hot sex from the person he’s buying for – nothing like a warm, blissful feeling to inspire creative and generous feelings. And if he’s not, there’s nothing like a deep, primal yearning – OK, horniness – to motivate a thaw-inspiring gift. Yes, the right gift can make her more fully yours, because it’s a physical representation of how well you know and value her.
No pressure!
Here’s how to show her you care:
Bask in your time together. Be “in the moment” and aware of the small details you share: a flower she says she favors, a movie she quotes lines from. You’ll not only buy a better gift but have a better relationship if you’re paying attention. Take notes if you have to – we know it doesn’t come naturally!
Take a hint! Women know men need help, so they tend to drop clues. She might mention how much she likes a piece of jewelry she saw another woman wearing, or that a particular fabric – probably cashmere – always makes her feel good. If it’s the week before your anniversary, she may be trying to get you to think “gift alert!” Or she may just be making conversation. Women can be inscrutable. Keep your antennae up. When in doubt, get a gift receipt. In fact, even if you’re sure of yourself, get a gift receipt.
Don’t make classic mistakes. Yes, she’s fascinated by the bagless vacuum cleaner. But if she wants it, she’ll buy it herself. She doesn’t want to see it with a ribbon around it next to her 40th birthday cake. Also bad ideas: perfume recommended by a hard-sell cosmetics counter salesperson, tickets to see your favorite team (unless it’s also her favorite team), or a scarf – or anything – that reminds you of your mother. And no gag gifts, especially those that make fun of advancing years. Ever.
Be cautious with clothes. There’s nothing more awkward than a clothing gift that doesn’t fit, or just leaves her cold. Unless you know she can’t get enough James Perse tops or always has a little sweater thrown around her lovely shoulders, don’t take a chance.
Wrap it up. Make the presentation part of the gift. Even if you’re not a wrapper you can find a way to make the giving as special as the gift. Think about where and when you will have some special time together. Do you want to hide it, or does she not like surprises? If it’s a group of gifts, you could make a trail for her to follow. And never underestimate the value of the thoughtful card.
Still stumped? Here are some ideas.
Something Indulgent
Your lover has a career and many levels of interests, from hobbies to favorite pastimes, from passions to obsessions. You have shared many of these so you know what they are. Give it a little thought and surely you’ll be able to come up with a missing link.
A few outside-the-gift-box options:
Books: Book lovers tend to take care of themselves, as witness the regular arrival of smiling Amazon boxes. But you can still take her breath away with something unexpected, like a first edition of a book she’s mentioned as being a childhood favorite, a gorgeous coffee table book on a favorite subject.
Kitchen: A specialized and aesthetically pleasing piece of cookware, related to a meal you ate together on a vacation or a memorable date. Nothing utilitarian (“I remembered that your spatula broke…”), and nothing that sends the message that you’re expecting her to get busy whipping something up for you. This kind of a gift only works if she enjoys cooking and gets creative with it, not if she sees it as a chore.
Music: Tickets to a special show, with a note telling her how much you would love to take her. A piece of signed memorabilia from a favorite musician. (If he’s a sexy rock star, you’ll earn points for your self-confidence.)
Something Sexy
The best lovers are those who know their own bodies. Help her get to know hers better.
Vibrators. You can’t go wrong with a rabbit. Unless she already has one.
Lingerie. The exception to the “no clothing gifts” rule. But tread carefully here as well: you don’t want her to think you were being selfish, getting her something that you like but will make her feel uncomfortable.
A massage. Make her a certificate promising to give her a massage. Package it with a bottle of massage oil to show you mean business…make that pleasure.
Something Custom
The personalized name necklace has made a major comeback (yes, Sex and the City!). And sure, it shows you’re definitely not re-gifting. But let’s get a little more creative. Oh, and get organized, too: you have to plan ahead for anything customized.
Engraved item: Hardly anyone has anything engraved any more, but it’s an ideal way to give a personalized gift. Think outside the norm: anyone capable of having a high school flashback can come up with an ID bracelet. (Still, not bad in a retro kind of way.) It’s the thoughtful lover who gets an engraved flashlight for a woman who loves to camp, an engraved pen for a writer, or an engraved set of luggage tags for an inveterate traveler.
Custom comic book: If you’re an artist, a drawing just for her would make her swoon. If you’re a writer, maybe a poem, or a story with her as the star. Neither? Turn to the professionals.
Personal sculpture: Nothing says “I want you” like a chocolate model of her favorite body part. She’s not a chocolate lover? Try a glow-in-the-dark model that also vibrates, so even when you’re not around she can still have you with her. Just don’t attach a card that says, “You want a piece of me?”
While inspired gift-giving won't cure a relationship that is doomed for other reasons, it is a great way to show how much you care and how well you know the woman you love. Of course, as with all other skills, some people are more naturally gifted (no pun intended) than others. But as is also the case with other skills, a little education and practice can make up for lack of natural ability.
By Laura
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