Together
The Lesson of the Held Tongue
The best relationships feature deep truth, allowing honesty and trust. They are based on real communication that allows the two of you to get to know each other in ways that friends and even family can’t. This might make it sound like you should be all honest, all the time. Wrong.Often when we talk to someone we love, we hold back incriminating details, strongly held opinions, even long-suppressed desires that we think might hurt or shock the other. Sometimes we feel guilty for not sharing everything. After all, in a court of law these suppressions might be called lies of omission. But in life we call them relationship-savers.
Yes, be honest, but know where to draw the line. Learn the value of the unspoken thought. The irony is that holding your tongue helps increase communication.
Important to Share: What you like in bed, what you’d like more of, what’s not working.
Important Not to Share: How you really feel about a sexual problem that has no solution, despite what 50 emails a day try to convince you.
Important to Share: Your relevant experience that could help your mate with a difficult life decision.Important Not to Share: "That was a dumb move."
Important to Share: "There’s a little kid running into the street!"
Important Not to Share: You think you’re a better driver.
Important to Share: "I’m just as much to blame as you are.”
Important Not to Share: Nebulous bitterness and resentment over how things have worked out.
Think before you speak about the ramifications of what you’re saying. Will it result in hurt feelings? An inevitable fit of rage? A moment in time that will forever mark the beginning of the end? If these are not your desired results, hold your tongue. Be constructive. Be concise. Be the bigger person. Don’t sublimate who you really are, but don’t feel you need to share every part of yourself either. Some parts are just for you.
By Laura
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