Together
Considering an Affair?
No one gets married planning to have an affair. OK, maybe some gold-diggers or other sleazoids, but the moral majority (small m's) go down the aisle truly believing their love will last. You certainly never thought you'd consider it.
The fact is, every marriage confronts the adultery issue at some point. Whether you find your married self unable to resist the relentless pursuit of a co-worker, you discover your spouse has been cheating on you so what the hell, or you're bored with or pissed at a spouse, you need to think deeply before starting an affair. Once you take that step, you can never undo it.If adultery didn't fulfill needs — sexual, emotional, ego-gratification — it wouldn't be so common. And it is common. According to a 1998 article in USA Today, about 24% of men and 14% of women have had sex outside of their marriages. And that statistic, by its very nature, is likely to be under-reported. Many more (100%?) have at least considered it.
Affairs these days are very different from those decades ago. Technology makes it easier to find and communicate with lovers. Of course, the flip side is technology's ability to expose an affair. There are so many ways to be found out: text messages, cell phone calls, IMs, emails, even web searches are all traceable. Hard drives, PDAs, bank records, cell phone and landline statements, even dry cleaning habits (think "Blue Dress") can be monitored and used against you.
The bottom line is that it's very difficult to keep an affair secret. Even if you hide all your electronic tracks, that extra bounce in your step, the humming of love songs, a new gym schedule or a change of hairstyle telegraph that something might be going on. You have to weigh whether the excitement of new and illicit love is worth the betrayal and deceit necessary to make it happen.
This chart may help to put it in perspective.
| Top 5 Reasons to Have an Affair | Top 5 Reasons Not to Have an Affair |
| It means you're putting yourself first, which you discover you have almost forgotten how to do. | Guilt! It's morally wrong and you'll hate yourself for it at some point (if not immediately). |
| Illicit romance stays fresher longer with limited time and no big issues to fight about (kids, money, household chores, in-laws, religion, broken dreams…). | It makes a healthy marriage sick and a bad marriage worse; better to work on your problems than to escape to the arms of someone without a real commitment to you. |
| Undeniable sense of excitement and heightened sensations, all that stuff you once had with your spouse — and in high school. | The web of deceit required is stressful and time-consuming, causing work and key relationships to suffer. |
| Down time between get-togethers allows for maintenance (lose weight, mani/pedi, shave/wax/pluck…) so illicit partner always thinks you look great. | Spouse has to accept you the way you are: it's part of the marriage contract. Have that second helping you crave and let out the belt another notch! |
| Great sex with lots of new positions and a willing partner! | Those gifts that keep on giving: STDs and pregnancy. |
by Laura
| < Prev |
|---|
I would allow and have my wife to have sex with whom ever she wants and it goes both ways. But I am not the "normal" male who must be safe and controlling of my wife. Since I am Taoist I believe that no one person has the right to tell or restrict what another person does.